Single and Dating Vs. Married With Kids: The Ultimate Show Down (5 minute read)

So a few weeks ago, I started my Dating Chronicles. Essentially, I wanted to capture my thoughts about dating for my daughter. 

Whenever I ask my mom about her dating history, she would either say she doesn't remember or something vague like, "It's different nowadays. Back then, we just hung out as big groups of boys and girls." 

According to my dad, she is the most beautiful woman he's ever dated and he's been in love with her since day 1. He's a lot more open about his dating history than my mom. It's probably because of the traditional mindset that women should be perceived as those who don't date around but rather they "save themselves" for marriage. 

And men should be perceived as having accumulated a ton of trophies experience by the time they settle down. I honestly don't know if my parents are like this because of a generational thing or a Chinese cultural thing...probably a mix of both.

My mom's lack of detail just doesn't cut the mustard for me and I want something tangible for my daughter when she grows up. I also don't want to lose those memories too quickly (Assuming my mom's actually telling me the truth about how old people tend to forget a lot of things in the past).

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Anyway, I mentioned that I did the Needs, Wants and Deserves exercise that I created for myself and was able to come up with an online dating profile. I have the original, long and angry one but I thought I'd first share the one that made the final cut. These are the actual words my husband read over 4 years ago and he diligently messaged me, "O'Doyle rules!" Sadly, he is not a huge Adam Sandler fan.

I thought it would be fun to see if it still stands true given my new mom perspective. I have my comments below each statement.

Self Summary:

I love to exercise (running, dancing, weight training etc), cook, bake, create my own healthy recipes and travel.

Yup I still love those things although I don't travel as much anymore. Also, less running and weight training and way more dancing and low impact exercises.

If I were to describe myself, I would say I am an assertive, confident, decisive, clever, pragmatic, persistent, driven, creative, quick-thinking woman who has a great sense of humour. I have a knack for speaking with an accent and doing impressions.

Hell yeah I'm still like that but I'm a slower thinker now. Sleep deprivation does wonders on your ability to forget things (Hmm maybe my mom is telling the truth).

What I’m doing with my life:
I love making changes to improve the lives of others, society as whole and future populations. I am very passionate about what I do for a living because I am able to do this on a daily basis.

Yes, true but now through an additional channel. By exploring my thoughts and feelings through the words of this blog, I think I'm reaching out to people in ways I probably didn't think of when I wrote this statement.

I’m really good at:
Helping others when they have issues, providing them guidance and support while ensuring they figure out the solution for themselves unless they just want to be told what to do.

I actually try not to offer guidance as much as possible unless they've directly asked me. I now focus on active listening, asking questions and having an open mind about the other person's issue. A lot of the times, they want to be heard and to have their feelings validated. But when they ask for advice, I will give my real and honest opinion. 

The first things people usually notice:
My genuine smile, witty and at times sarcastic humour, and infectious passion for empowering others.

Hmm I hope it's still my smile and not the bags under my eyes.

Favourite books, movies, shows, music and food:
Favourite books: Anything by James Patterson, The Hunger Games, light reading as I do a lot of serious reading at work already.

Movies: Christopher Nolan movies (Specifically, Memento, Inception, The Dark Knight), old school Adam Sandler movies, movies that provide you with a different perspective on life or make you feel good in the end.

Shows: The Big Bang Theory, The Walking Dead, Suits, Game of Thrones, Dexter, How I Met Your Mother, American Dad, South Park, anything smartly written and/or well acted.

Music: I enjoy pretty much any type of music as long as the melody flows and makes sense to me (I was classically trained in piano at a very young age and appreciate good music)

Food: I love to cook and bake. I am willing to try any food twice and am quite adventurous as long as it is safe and ethical.

Pretty much the same except I have a lot less time to read the things I like.

The six things I could never do without:

1. Although not things, I could never do without my family and friends. They are essential to my being.
2. Daily dose of my culture (either through food or family conversations). I value my culture highly, in a modern way where there are no defined gender roles.
3. Running shoes for weekday runs and weight training sessions
4. Listening to jazz (Oscar Peterson) while reading a good book and enjoying a square of extra dark chocolate
5. Green tea, orange slices and piano music while writing up a report at work
6. A morning decaf Americano with milk, cinnamon, cocoa and a dash of honey

Decaf? cup of joe for me from my trusty Black and Decker coffee maker...too lazy to get all the fixings.

I spend a lot of time thinking about:
How to make the world a better place, improving the lives of the current as well as future generations.

I don't just think about this anymore. I do things to make this world a better place. I'm writing about things to hopefully empower others to have a voice, to feel connected and to raise awareness about issues that never got talked about when I was growing up (only felt them). I try my best every day to be patient, grateful and positive around my husband and daughter but I do have my days.

On a typical Friday night I am:
Out with my girlfriends, doing something low key like trying out a restaurant or playing board games at someone’s place.

These are now called brunches with the girls once a month or a quiet game of Catan at home with another couple while she's sleeping. On a typical Friday night, I am rolling around on the floor as random plastic toys get thrown at my face.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit:
I have a bit of a trucker mouth once I am comfortable with you.

Fuck that! No need to be comfortable. Bring that shit on!

You should message me if:
You’ve actually read through my entire profile. Use the code word “O’Doyle rules!” if you’ve read my profile. You genuinely care about making the world a better place and are accountable for your actions. You are someone I can take turns leading with depending on the situation. You can open my mind to perspectives outside my scope and empower me to be my true self, an assertive and decisive woman.

Yeah husband's all those things. But really, he said he mainly messaged me because I can do cartwheels. (Eye roll...romance is dead, everyone! Just put your kids in gymnastics and they'll all get dates).

So Readers, are you single? Divorced? Looking? What's in your dating profile? In a relationship? Did you meet your partner online? Did you save your profile somewhere? Take a look and see how you've changed.


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