4 Simple Things to Work on For a Healthy Marriage (Part 4 of 4)

If marriage is about Trust, Honesty, Communication, and Respect, it really doesn't seem that scary. I mean these are wholesome concepts that we were taught as kids. What's so scary about that? Am I right? 

I wish. My biggest fear around marriage is not knowing if I need to let go. 

Quality, not Quantity

Quality, not Quantity concludes my Marriage Series. 

Imagine you have the perfect relationship (yes - I am using that dreadful word but in a hypothetical situation okay?). You guys are honest with each other, have complete trust, communicate effectively and respect yourselves and each other. 

How do you actually know it's going well? You guys have date nights? You guys can talk about anything and everything? You smile when you see him calling? You get a tingle when her text pops up on your phone? You like being around each other?

For me, the best indicator of how well my marriage is doing is to assess how I feel when I'm heading home from work. 

Do I look forward to giving him that kiss? 
That hug when I step in the door? 
To be hugged and kissed by the man I chose to marry? 
How excited am I to share my day with him? 
What do I want to know about his day? 

It's my quality check, every day. And if a day comes and I'm not excited anymore, I know it's time for us to do some work on those simple, wholesome things. 




And if that indicator continues to tell me to drive slower, to take a long way home, to stay a little later at work or to avoid his presence when I enter the door, it either means we haven't worked hard enough or that it's time to move on. 

I've had to face that decision point once in my life and I chose the latter. I didn't have my quality check back then and I wasn't married. But now I am and I'm better equipped with all the lessons learned from parting ways with someone I spent 8 years of my life with.  

Speaking of years together...

Have you ever seen on Facebook or hear some couple talk about how long they've been together for? 1 year Anniversary...5 years...10 years etc. 
So and so have been married for X number of years. Congratulate them now!
Yes - it's amazing to be with someone for so long considering how high divorce rates are nowadays. Isn't it called the 7-year itch or something? 

When I hear about couples who seem to be doing so well part ways, my initial feelings are always disappointment and sadness. But it's only for a brief moment because then I put my empathy shoes on and realize what this couple bravely did. 

They are executing one of life's hardest truths: nothing is permanent (well...except when you become a parent and that little person will forever be in your heart, tugging on those strings every freaking day...rant later?) 

I then start to feel inspired and excited for this couple. They each have new beginnings, new life adventures to discover, new challenges to overcome and new feelings to experience. It's a fresh start for both people, a better journey that they each will embark, knowing themselves a lot more than they did before.

Therefore, I firmly believe that however long a marriage is, it's really about the quality of the relationship that determines whether saying "I do" was worth it.  

And if it's just not worth the effort anymore, it's time to move forward and that's not a bad thing.  

So do I celebrate my wedding anniversaries? Sure, why not? I love cake.

But I'd rather celebrate every day coming home from work, feeling excited to share my day with someone I love.

So Readers, what's your take on quality versus quantity? How do you feel when other couples get divorced or separated? 


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